Psalm 33 declares...By the word of the Lord were the heavens made, their starry hosts by the breath of His mouth....The word of the Lord is right and true, He is faithful in all He does. The Lord loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of His unfailing love...We wait in HOPE for the Lord, He is our HELP and our SHEILD. In HIM our hearts rejoice, for we TRUST in His holy name.
Isaiah 40: 26-29
Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens; Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of His GREAT POWER and MIGHTY STRENGTH not one of them is missing.
Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, “My way is hidden from the Lord, my cause is disregarded by my God”?
Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will NOT grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary and increase the power of the weak.
Man oh man. This past week and a half has been one of the craziest of my life, I think. Coming to Africa was the beginning of seeing a year and a half (if not more) of dreaming begin to come to fruition. It’s been beautiful and messy and joyful and scary and a whole other mess of emotions that I don’t even know how to put into words (which, a lot of times, has meant they just flow out of my eyes).
The biggest struggle for me has been the lack of communication with family and friends back home. I’m huge on community, and its been something I’ve been praying about pretty much since I realized I was coming here alone. While God has definitely been providing people here to laugh with and interact with, my heart is still desperately missing those who know me best and know my heart. This is a new struggle for me; I’m never a homesick person. I definitely believe that this IS where God has me and that He IS working for my good and His glory and I trust that in declaring these promises constantly that He is teaching me to die to myself daily.
Dying to myself is something I’ve been struggling with for a while...what that looks like in my life and how I can daily take up my cross. Thank goodness I don’t have to rely on my own strength to do it! God is so much more than I can imagine, in ALL aspects of my life. He sees my hurting heart, and it is not too much trouble for Him to remind me that I’m cradled in His hand and I’ve never left that place. I believe God is sifting me (Luke 22:31) and revealing places of disobedience and selfishness in my own heart so that I can know Him more and do the work He has for me to do. I know that there are so many others, even in my own life, who are struggling with much heavier things than this, but I also know that the God who created the heavens also miraculously created my heart and He knows exactly what He’s doing in me, even if I don’t.
I am realizing that this has been harder than I expected because I thought I could handle it. I thought I was as prepared as I could be and that I had an idea of what I was getting myself into. And I’ve done things on my own before, I’ve been in unfamiliar places where I knew no one, I can handle myself adversity and stress pretty well. And that’s exactly the problem. How many times did you just read “I”? I was emailing a friend when I reread what I wrote and realized that I’ve been thinking this is about me and how I can do great things here in Worcester. WOW. Wrong.
I had Saturday morning to myself to seek the Lord and be refreshed. As I searched for truth, He gently spoke these things to me:
Sara. Daughter. It’s NOT about you. It’s about ME.
It’s my grace that has brought you this far.
It’s my grace that will continue to carry you.
Won’t you just TRUST me? Not what you can see or what you feel...ME.
I am I AM.
It’s okay to feel like this, but let Me carry you. You’re not doing this alone. You weren’t made to do this alone. You feel inadequate because you are...without ME.
Because of Him, I come alive. May it be His heart in me beating.
(Rebecca - you go girl!! I can’t believe you’re launching into this incredible journey...its been a long time coming and I’ve been blessed to be a part of who Jesus is in you for the past 3 years. I’m so proud of and excited for you! I LOVE YOU and can’t wait to hear about how you RELEASE the Kingdom in Jesus’ name!
http://www.rebeccaweaver.theworldrace.org)
Sara, God used my homesickness to show me how I should be homesick for Heaven. When I read your comments I loved your honesty and saw myself in your struggle. Thank goodness we have a God is tons bigger than us and His work will go on with our without us. But I am humbled in knowing that this great BIG God is also very small. Small enough to work within us and amazingly through us. Most of your time will probably God working within you! I loved the photos on facebook.
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